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A Person in Process

21 March 1980

This journal contains my own unhinged personal thoughts, feelings, dealings, schemings, interpretations, opinions, decisions, consequences, truths, over-exaggerations, under-estimations, blunders, wonders, torn asunders, ideas, secrets, daydreams, nightmares, joys, fears, tears, and paw prints.

I am not writing this journal for anyone other than myself. I am not going to pull punches or beat around bushes to spare someone else's feelings. This is mine. I will admit, it is very possible that I will one day piss you off or offend you. If you don't think that you will be able to handle anything I have to write, DO NOT ADD ME AS A FRIEND.

However, if what I have to say only fuels your laughter or you are not easily offended or taken aback and want a peek into my little world, then by all means drop a line and we'll see what we can do.

I have a nasty habit of bitting my cuticles off. I tear and rip the skin off from around my fingers and eat it (save your vomit dear hearts I'm not quite done). This results in painful sores on my fingers which in some cases bleed. I have this one on my thumb right now that is not a bleeder. Though, I wish it would. They seem to hurt less when they bleed. So I'm sitting here digging at this sore trying to make it bleed and it will for as long as I squeeze my finger, but as soon as I stop, it stops, and the nagging throb of pain comes back. Tomorrow I will have a nasty mass of proud flesh and it will bleed when I tear it open. Then this will continue until it heels, which will be ever so slowly. In honesty, I love this sensation. The pain, the blood and the skin.